C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
