the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
