theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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