Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
