And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
