Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize