Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
