i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
