He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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