PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
