then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
