This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
