Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
