Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
