i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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