There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize