and you said cock pushups were impossible
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize