He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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