his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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