Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
