They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize