His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
