I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
