I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
