Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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