The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
