I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
