these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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