I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
