Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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