so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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