did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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