I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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