it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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