Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
