I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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