I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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