Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
