pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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