my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
