shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The adults are the big ones right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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