You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
