I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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