ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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