I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
