i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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