there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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