Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize