I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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