Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize