he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
