Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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