She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
