My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
