I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize