so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My balls are so social today.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
