Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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