I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i already hear my dad disowning me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
