It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
