Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize