Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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