remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
