think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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