found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
