I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize