So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you never un-have a 4some
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
