Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize